Couples therapy in Strasbourg: when should you seek help?

Do we have to be in crisis to seek help?

A crisis may prompt you to book an appointment, but it is not a requirement. You might seek support when you feel you are living alongside each other rather than together, when a subject has become impossible to discuss, or when you want to navigate a change without losing your connection.

The question is not whether your difficulty is “serious enough”. What matters is how much space it takes up in daily life and what you would like to understand or experience differently. You can still care deeply for each other and struggle to reconnect.

What might bring a couple to therapy?

People seek support for many reasons. You may recognise one or more of these situations:

• Recurring arguments and a sense that nothing really gets resolved.
• Difficult communication: words are misunderstood, conversations become tense or important topics are avoided.
• Emotional distance, loneliness within the relationship or fewer shared moments.
• A loss of trust, jealousy or infidelity that has unsettled the relationship.
• Difficulties with sex, intimacy or differences in desire.
• Tensions around parenting, the division of responsibilities or a blended family.
• A life change, such as moving home, a career change, bereavement or children leaving home.
• Questions about your future together, including the possibility of separation.

These situations do not all have the same history or significance. The starting point is how each of you experiences what is happening, rather than trying to fit your relationship into a particular model.

Why do we keep having the same arguments?

An argument may begin with a forgotten task or an unanswered message. Yet its intensity may come from something deeper: feeling alone with everyday responsibilities, feeling unimportant to your partner, fearing rejection or feeling that nothing you do is ever enough.

A cycle can develop: criticism → defensiveness → insistence → withdrawal. One partner expresses disappointment as a criticism; the other tries to justify themselves to avoid feeling blamed. The first presses harder because they do not feel heard, while the second shuts down to escape the tension. Each may then experience the other’s response as confirmation of what hurts them.

This is one possible pattern, not a universal explanation. Noticing what happens between you makes it possible to explore the cycle, the unspoken expectations and the wounds it touches. It does not erase what happened or each person’s responsibility.

Where there is violence, fear or controlling behaviour, the problem cannot simply be described as a shared communication difficulty. Safety and the freedom to speak openly need to be considered before working together as a couple.

What happens in couples therapy?

The first session gives each of you space to explain what brings you, what feels difficult and what you hope for. It is also an opportunity to clarify how sessions will work and whether joint support is appropriate.

The therapist is not there to decide who is right or wrong. The aim is not to obtain a verdict against your partner, but to understand the exchanges, feelings and difficulties within the relationship.

The work may explore communication, expectations that have never been spoken, relational hurt, emotional reactions, recurring patterns and needs that are difficult to express. A specific incident can offer a starting point: what were you trying to say, what did your partner hear, and how did each of you respond?

Practical tools, including those drawn from cognitive behavioural therapy, may help you notice certain reactions or try a different way of expressing a request. Their role is discussed in relation to your circumstances. You can also read about my background and approach.

Do both partners have to want therapy?

You do not need to arrive with the same level of enthusiasm or the same expectations. One of you may want to feel closer again, while the other mainly wants to understand where they stand. These differences can be discussed from the first conversation.

However, working together requires each person to agree to take part and to be able to speak freely. Therapy cannot be used to force someone to change or stay in a relationship. If your partner does not wish to attend, individual support can give you space to reflect on what you are going through.

How many sessions will we need?

There is no number of sessions that applies to every couple. It depends on what brings you, how the difficulties have developed and what each of you wants to work on. It would be premature to suggest a duration before talking with you.

Goals and frequency are agreed together. Regular reviews allow you to consider what is changing, what remains difficult and how you want to continue.

Can we have couples therapy online?

Couples consultations are currently offered by video, in French or English. If you are looking for a couples therapist in Strasbourg, this format allows you to begin remotely.

Choose a quiet, private space, a reliable internet connection and a time when you will not be interrupted. Practical arrangements are discussed together so that both partners can participate and be heard. You can find more about the approach on the couples therapy in Strasbourg page.

How do we know whether it is the right time?

You might ask yourselves: can we still talk about what hurts? Do we avoid particular subjects to prevent an argument? Have we tried to change things but found ourselves back in the same pattern?

You do not need to have all the answers already. Feeling that you need a different space to talk may be enough to consider a first appointment. Seeking therapy does not commit you to preserving the relationship at any cost: the work can also help clarify what each of you wants next.

Frequently asked questions